Light
by Agent420
Summary: There were no promises made, nothing forced, no lies told to make it seem like something whole, something perfect. NaruSasu


It was just past dawn, and the sun was inching across Konoha, slowly creeping through the window to trail teasing fingers over Naruto's eyelids. With great effort he peeled them open, just as awareness began to chase away the last lingering strands of sleep from where they clung stubbornly to the edges of his consciousness. The first thing he noticed were the stiff hands of the clock on his bedside table, which screamed '7:00' at him more loudly than any alarm could manage. Then came the warmth of the sun, prickling on the bare skin of his chest, promising fair weather for the day's mission.

He yawned, one arm moving to rub at the side of his neck as he shifted his shoulders, cracking the tension away. A bird chirped loudly outside the window then stopped abruptly, as if embarrassed of its outburst. Quiet fell oppressively over the room, and Naruto made to sit up in bed—then stopped.

Any last vestige of sleep vanished as panic set in; his arm was cold. No weight rested upon it. He could hear no one's breath but his own. The spot on the bed next to him was empty, which meant—

Heart beating high in his throat, he swept the sheets off his body, tossing them aside where they wilted to the ground. Completely neglecting a shirt and slippers, he tore from the bedroom, feet thumping on the wooden floorboards as he searched the small apartment. With every moment that passed he could feel the fear intensify, digging jagged fingernails into his heart and dragging, ripping—

After searching the apartment and finding every space empty, no signs of life or recent activity to ease his anxiety, he threw open the door, intending to scour every inch of the village—and he came face-to-face with Sasuke.

The other boy stared at him in bewilderment, one arm clenched tightly around a bag of groceries while the other hovered slightly in front of him, as if reaching out to turn the doorknob. It fell immediately upon seeing Naruto, and he blinked a few times in confusion.

"Naruto? What's wrong?"

The anxiety, fear and confusion quickly melted away to reveal shame, and Naruto backed away, giving the other space to enter the apartment. His heart refused to slow down, churning blood through his system, wiring him the way it had for over three years of searching. Three years of scratching the edge, clawing in the dark, never grasping hold. He gritted his teeth as his eyes followed Sasuke into the kitchen, the embarrassment easily manifesting as aggravation. As anger.

"Where were you?" he said finally, the words wrenching themselves out of him painfully.

Sasuke set the bag on the kitchen table, staring at the other as if worried for his sanity. "The market. We needed a few things. I should think that's obvious?"

There was an awkward pause, and pride forced Naruto to continue. "You didn't—you could have woken me up. Left a note. I didn't know where you were. You could have said something, why the fuck didn't you say anything?"

Still clearly caught off guard, Sasuke continued to stare at the other, one eyebrow slightly raised. "Naruto, I was less than ten minutes away—"

"Don't," Naruto cut him off. "Don't write this off like I'm just being stupid or unreasonable or something—"

"Yeah, I'd say it's a nice combination of both—"

"Shut up!"

Naruto slammed his hand down on the table, causing the bottle of orange juice that Sasuke had bought to tremble, the glass skidding lightly on the surface of the wood, the only sound breaking the horrible silence that fell over the room. It ticked by slowly, dragging and stretching into something immeasurable.

"You can't do that," Naruto said finally, his voice having fallen to something barely above a whisper. "You have to—I need to know when you're awake. I need to know, or else—"

"Naruto—"

"—or else I'll think you've left again."

There were voices outside now, the village waking up around them, the sun now bathing the kitchen in thick, lustrous yellow. Sasuke saw its reflection in Naruto's eyes, saw the lights move, saw them tremble. Something bit at the edge of his tongue, some cruel retort, hanging on stubbornly but never letting go, and he remembered giving in. Returning to the place he'd rejected, which had rejected him, falling into this feeble attempt at a normal life with the one person he'd wounded above all else. Hating this person, resenting him, accepting him, fearing him, _needing_ him. Attempting to rebuild something that could never be rebuilt.

Still, they—they'd made _something_. It could never be whole, never be what it should have been, but it was...it was there. Sometimes, they could fool themselves into thinking that they'd achieved it, stitched together everything that had broken apart, but then something would happen—moments like these, which would remind them both forcibly that such a thing was, for them, impossible.

That was why Sasuke didn't reach forward, didn't gather Naruto in his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay, that he was there to stay, that they'd be together forever. Instead, he spoke the truth, the only thing he could do to keep them both from pretending.

"Naruto," he said softly, as gently as his voice would allow. "I'm not going to tell you I'll be here forever. It would be a lie. We're both ninja, we—either of us could die at any moment—"

"I _know _that, but—"

"Listen to me. You've got a mission in less than an hour. It could go wrong. You could fail, someone could attack, it happens so fast, it happens every day."

Naruto sighed, yanking a chair out and slumping into it, his head falling in his hands. "What are you saying, Sasuke?"

Moving only a step closer, still standing, Sasuke curled his arms around himself, just as a cloud moved across the sky, obscuring the sun. "I'm saying there's no point in—this. If it's just going to end, why—why bother."

"Are you _shitting _me?"

"No, I'm not, I—"

Before Sasuke could complete the thought a hand tangled in his collar, jerking him forward once before shoving him hard against the wall. Naruto was breathing like a wild animal, hot against his neck.

"That's the worst fucking excuse I've ever heard," he growled, eyes wide and frenzied. "The worst. Sure, we're gonna die. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe ten years from now. But that's—that's no reason to just—leave me without telling me, or pull away from me, or whatever the fuck you're doing."

He expected a punch, an angry retort, but instead Sasuke was just—just looking at him, listening to him, so he kept on plowing forward.

"It's not an excuse to hold back, Sasuke. I know we—that we've lost so much shit in our lives, had—had so much taken away from us, but—but _not this_. No one can take this away from us, no one can fuck this up, so—"

Strong fingers moved to grasp the other boy's jaw, so tightly it might have bruised, and Naruto might have eased his grip if Sasuke hadn't reached up to hold his wrist just as tightly. It was everything that built their twisted, incomprehensible, fucked up relationship, everything that kept it from crumbling away. It couldn't if they held on tightly enough.

"—so we should just have it, now, live it, every moment, while we can."

The sun parted the clouds again, hoping that things had resolved themselves while it had been gone, and found the two boys twisted in an embrace that looked almost painful in its intensity, its desperation. At some point their lips had met, crushing against one another, unwilling to waste a single breath. Naruto lifted Sasuke off the wall and shoved him on the table, the bag of groceries sliding to the floor, the glass bottle shattering on impact. Naruto glanced up anxiously for a moment but was quickly dragged back down by a hand on the back of his neck, shoving his lips back into place.

"Leave it, I'll just buy another one..."

Naruto nodded then immediately resumed kissing every bit of Sasuke he could reach, trembling hands moving tirelessly over the other boy's body. He could feel Sasuke's fingernails clawing his bare back, the other boy's thighs parting and tightening around his hips, pulling him forward, locking him in place. He could feel teeth gnawing on his lower lip, nearly breaking the skin, the hand tangling in his hair and pulling it. Growling, he reached up, grabbing Sasuke's wrist and yanking them apart, long enough to twist the other's body and slam him back down so he was bent over the table.

Breathing heavily, Sasuke braced himself, fingers flat against the wooden surface of the table as he felt Naruto's hands, one of them pressed against his lower back while the other yanked down his pants. There was a pause while Naruto freed himself from the pyjama pants he was wearing, a slight sound as he spat on his palm, and then—

"Ah! _Shit_—"

The table rocked, creaking with the force of each powerful thrust. Naruto kept one hand pressed against Sasuke's lower back as he drove himself deep within the other's body, Sasuke's quiet gasps of pain the only reaction he could hear. It was like this, though, sometimes. Sasuke had wounded him beyond repair, and when the frustration of that became too much, this was just one way of reminding him. After a few brutal thrusts, however, he slowed his pace, rubbing the other's back until the soft sounds grew louder, trembling with unmistakable pleasure.

Both hands gripping the edge of the table, Sasuke closed his eyes, blinded by the light pouring in from the window, and by the white intensifying behind his eyelids. Naruto's thrusts got faster, more erratic, and his hands grabbed Sasuke's hips and pulled him forward and he hit him _just there_—over and over again, until a strangled groan tore from his throat, his muscles stiffening and contracting and shuddering rhythmically. Naruto pulled out, flipped him onto his back and drove into him again, biting down hard on his lips as he came. Sasuke's arms and legs were wrapped around him, and they lay flat against the table, a knot of sweat and limbs.

The room was flooded with sunlight and smelled of sweat, sex and orange juice. Sasuke threaded his fingers through Naruto's damp hair, giving himself some time to commit the moment to memory—the strange combination of scents, Naruto's breath against his skin, the way the sun felt on his face. Then he forced himself to move, glancing down at Naruto and nudging the other gently.

"Hey. It's time for you to leave, you know."

Groaning, Naruto shifted, pulling out of Sasuke and tucking himself back into his pyjama pants. "I know, asshole. Did you buy coffee at least?"

"Yeah."

He set about making a pot of it while Sasuke took a shower, amazed by the way they snapped back into that fragile normalcy once again. Once he'd dressed, however, and once he'd cleaned the spilled orange juice and scrubbed off the table, he felt it tremble once again as Sasuke re-entered the kitchen, wet from the shower and holding Naruto's kunai holster.

"Here."

"Thanks."

Their eyes met, and there were no promises made, nothing forced, no lies told to make it seem like something whole, something perfect. Instead an entirely unspoken agreement took place between them, and when Naruto opened the door to leave, he lingered just for a moment to speak.

Not 'I'll see you later', not 'I promise I'll be back', not even 'good-bye'. It was just 'I love you', and it was all he could offer, and it was enough.


End file.
